Manage Pain or Grow Violets?

A counselor was having no success with a particular patient. In desperation, he placed a request to Milton Erickson, a very famous and successful psychiatrist to give him help. To his surprise, Milton agreed, but only on two conditions – that before they started therapy, they both would visit her in the house that the client lived in, and then that he meet alone with her once the house tour is done. He agreed. They both go in. She gives a tour – pretty typical of a house of a woman who is depressed – dark, dingy, low light; greasy smudged windows. The rooms are cluttered with piles and papers and disorder. That is, until they get to the back of the house – and the add-on porch room. Here bright sunlight streamed through clean, open windows. And here inside were hundreds of African Violets, growing beautifully all around. “I guess your friends must really enjoy all the gifts of these African violets that you give them,” said Dr. Erickson. “Oh no”, said the woman. “I don’t give them to anyone.” And her voice trailed off defensively. “Oh, I thought you called yourself a Christian.” Silence met his comment. Dr. Erickson dismissed the counselor and spent about three minutes in the room with the woman and then left. When the counselor asked Dr. Erickson if he should be worried – Milton said no, she will be fine. And that was the end of the case. Until 10 years later.

The counselor received an envelope from the Dr. Erickson containing an obituary notice. It read “African Violet Queen dies.” It went on to describe this woman who was famous for giving away all these African violets to all her friends, people in the neighborhood, and just about anyone she came in contact with. It described the full, rich life she had. “How did you do it?” he asked Dr. Erickson. “When I walked through her house, it became obvious to me how depressed the woman was and the amount of pain she was in. And when I got to the back room, I realized I had a choice. Do I help her manage her pain and work to shrink the depression, or do I help her grow violets. I chose to help her grow violets.”