Can You Balance the Score?
A client, whom we shall call Fred, was trying to persuade me that he is a victim of circumstances, that his story about that is true, but he can’t do it because he can’t even prove it to himself, although he keeps looking for evidence. The question here is “How does it help Fred to keep telling himself this story?” If we think that our story and actions help us to control the fear of victimization, then we will keep on doing it. All fear-obsessed thinking is based upon our perceived belief in victimization experience.
Fred’s solution to his painful victimization is to expose the offenders in court or in the media and challenge them to see their harmful behavior and admit it, and thus my client will have prevented their further abuse of himself and others. This social remedy, however, only functions on the surface.
Is such a thing as balancing the score, if the scoreboard is in each person’s head. All scorekeeping about being wronged, rejected and abused are based upon judgments, and all judgments are based upon anxiety and misperception. Neither party sees that their appraisal, their scorekeeping, and their judgments are based upon anxiety and not upon facts and reality. When you become willing to let go of scorekeeping, then you move on past anxiety. Every predator believes that he or she was or could be a victim.
The whole system of good versus evil is based upon flawed perception. Society operates upon the superficial belief in innocence and guilt, but it is all a dualistic illusion. There is an Original Innocence, but it has little to do with the polarity of innocence-versus-guilt. There is nothing to forgive. God never had to forgive because he never judged. If God had anything to forgive, it would be to forgive our self-condemnation, and no one can do that but ourselves. All pain is self-inflicted because if you didn’t give someone’s criticisms the power to hurt you, they couldn’t hurt you. Some people say women are the victims of men and some the opposite, but in truth there are no victims. Victimization is an illusion by which we give ourselves pain. The pain hurts, but the whole system is an illusion. It hurts because we believe our own self-image story.
There is a drama triangle made up of postures of villain, victim and rescuer. If you study these roles that people play, they are all obsessive.
Even rescuing is illusory and painful. If the rescuer tries to prevent abuse or to rescue someone from abuse, he is going to fail, because each player is attached to the role of suffering for their sense of separate identity. The only escape from the drama triangle is enlightenment. You cannot win in any of these roles, because they are all based upon the common illusion that good and evil exist at the deepest and most truthful level of existence. Good and evil are judgments that come from the separated mind, and therefore they cannot be true. The Drama Triangle is a mental prison in which people can spend many lifetimes going in circles, supported by our anxiety-produced perception of the world as good versus evil, and therefore illusory. The first step in anxiety therapy is to step back and see the drama triangle cycle, whether it takes days or years. Attached is a letter I wrote to Fred.
Dear Fred:
I know that you want to “right the wrongs” but the method you are considering is the old method, and it is the hardest and least productive method, used by mankind for thousands of years. And the problem is, it always backfires sooner or later. There is a new method, much faster, more effective, with no backlash. The main point is you want to get out of your mental prison. When you accomplish that, you will have begun to get a taste of this new method.
For you to get out of your mental prison requires several steps. The first step is this:
Focus on someone who did you wrong: A parent. A doctor. A lawyer or judge. A hospital staff. A girlfriend. The clubhouse. A staff member. Yourself. God. All of the above.
Sit down with a pen and paper and write a letter to each of those people. Tell them about ever rotten dirty deal they ever did which hurt and affected you. Use the strongest language possible. "You no good rotten scoundrel." Something like that. Spill your guts out on paper. Then forgive them for all of this, even if they don't deserve it. Forgive them from the bottom of your heart. Write it down. Then burn the letter. Do this for every incident or person that comes to mind.
If you are still hurt and angry about something in the past, you are living in a mental prison made up of past memories. You are living in the past. Your forgiveness letter frees you. This is for your benefit, not theirs. Oh, and be sure to write one to God. He's heard the tough language before, you're safe. He is your best friend after all. Frank, after Step one is finished, let me know and I will give you Step Two.
Your professional friend and therapist/coach,
Dr. Wright
Fred’s solution to his painful victimization is to expose the offenders in court or in the media and challenge them to see their harmful behavior and admit it, and thus my client will have prevented their further abuse of himself and others. This social remedy, however, only functions on the surface.
Is such a thing as balancing the score, if the scoreboard is in each person’s head. All scorekeeping about being wronged, rejected and abused are based upon judgments, and all judgments are based upon anxiety and misperception. Neither party sees that their appraisal, their scorekeeping, and their judgments are based upon anxiety and not upon facts and reality. When you become willing to let go of scorekeeping, then you move on past anxiety. Every predator believes that he or she was or could be a victim.
The whole system of good versus evil is based upon flawed perception. Society operates upon the superficial belief in innocence and guilt, but it is all a dualistic illusion. There is an Original Innocence, but it has little to do with the polarity of innocence-versus-guilt. There is nothing to forgive. God never had to forgive because he never judged. If God had anything to forgive, it would be to forgive our self-condemnation, and no one can do that but ourselves. All pain is self-inflicted because if you didn’t give someone’s criticisms the power to hurt you, they couldn’t hurt you. Some people say women are the victims of men and some the opposite, but in truth there are no victims. Victimization is an illusion by which we give ourselves pain. The pain hurts, but the whole system is an illusion. It hurts because we believe our own self-image story.
There is a drama triangle made up of postures of villain, victim and rescuer. If you study these roles that people play, they are all obsessive.
Even rescuing is illusory and painful. If the rescuer tries to prevent abuse or to rescue someone from abuse, he is going to fail, because each player is attached to the role of suffering for their sense of separate identity. The only escape from the drama triangle is enlightenment. You cannot win in any of these roles, because they are all based upon the common illusion that good and evil exist at the deepest and most truthful level of existence. Good and evil are judgments that come from the separated mind, and therefore they cannot be true. The Drama Triangle is a mental prison in which people can spend many lifetimes going in circles, supported by our anxiety-produced perception of the world as good versus evil, and therefore illusory. The first step in anxiety therapy is to step back and see the drama triangle cycle, whether it takes days or years. Attached is a letter I wrote to Fred.
Dear Fred:
I know that you want to “right the wrongs” but the method you are considering is the old method, and it is the hardest and least productive method, used by mankind for thousands of years. And the problem is, it always backfires sooner or later. There is a new method, much faster, more effective, with no backlash. The main point is you want to get out of your mental prison. When you accomplish that, you will have begun to get a taste of this new method.
For you to get out of your mental prison requires several steps. The first step is this:
Focus on someone who did you wrong: A parent. A doctor. A lawyer or judge. A hospital staff. A girlfriend. The clubhouse. A staff member. Yourself. God. All of the above.
Sit down with a pen and paper and write a letter to each of those people. Tell them about ever rotten dirty deal they ever did which hurt and affected you. Use the strongest language possible. "You no good rotten scoundrel." Something like that. Spill your guts out on paper. Then forgive them for all of this, even if they don't deserve it. Forgive them from the bottom of your heart. Write it down. Then burn the letter. Do this for every incident or person that comes to mind.
If you are still hurt and angry about something in the past, you are living in a mental prison made up of past memories. You are living in the past. Your forgiveness letter frees you. This is for your benefit, not theirs. Oh, and be sure to write one to God. He's heard the tough language before, you're safe. He is your best friend after all. Frank, after Step one is finished, let me know and I will give you Step Two.
Your professional friend and therapist/coach,
Dr. Wright
posted by Dr. Joe at 12:00 PM
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