Life’s Burning Existential Question
“I’m a whore to the man,” said my client, Jack. “I give up what I want for others. I shovel their s***. I do what I am supposed to do, and I don’t like it.”
The other half of the time, Jack rebels against this idea. He resists such a degrading story. He goofs off. He seeks escapes of various sorts. He is trying to live an impossible story. It can’t be done. We may tell ourselves that we sacrifice for others, or that we are people-pleasers, or conformists, or doormats, or victims, but it is impossible. It only seems that way. It’s just a story we tell ourselves. Such giving in is only a pretense. There is some kind of massive payoff, as well as massive regret and resentment.
Jack pursues meaning in brief little projects and hobbies, but he soon runs out of steam. He tries something new and it soon gets boring. He desires a change and when the change is made, he is soon disappointed. He tries to hide his disappointment because he sees others doing the same thing and they seem satisfied. He tries to copy them and to become satisfied. It doesn’t work. Disillusionment sets in.
Little does Jack realize that disillusionment is the last step before a breakthrough. We can never settle for disillusionment, nor can we avoid it. Disillusionment is preparation for level change. To find what we are seeking and desiring, we have to change levels. We can’t find ultimate meaning or satisfaction on this horizontal level. Neither can anyone else. Even if you become the best in your field, and even if you get rich, and even if your marriage lasts forever, and even if your kids succeed, it won’t satisfy. Finite food won’t satisfy an infinite appetite.
Jack has to try to identify what his lifelong burning question is. Everyone has such a question, although it may be buried underneath the fear of not finding an answer. It may be buried by disillusionment. “Why is this happening to me?” is one common form of a life question. “How can I find meaningful work?” “What is my life’s purpose?” “Do I have a mission?” “Why am I so miserable?” “What’s the use?” “Why should I care?”
I was asking Jack what his life’s question is. He misunderstood me and said “Are you asking me what is my life’s quest?” He was right! Our life’s question has to do with our life’s quest.
He recalls that he read a lot at one point in his life. He read all of the classics in which famous writers were expressing their disillusionment and the meaninglessness of life. He identified with their stories and found some temporary comfort there, but eventually he could not accept their conclusions. His relentless anxiety keeps pushing him to find and answer his fundamental life question.
What is your fundamental existential question about your self? Find that question and you will know the source of your angst.
The ego cannot be satisfied because it is a story of separation, lack, and entrapment. This story makes the ego into a control freak, with inevitable anxiety. If you perceive that there is lack, you will seek to control the world to remedy that lack. And you will fail because at the level of the ego story, there is no remedy for lack.
At the level of reality there is no lack, and so you are wasting your effort, and your control strategies will come to naught. You will only add more stress and anxiety to your experience. And so, our most fundamental question is “How do you get to Level Two where there is no lack, no need for control strategies, and no anxiety?” Living on Level One is an inevitable anxiety experience. Living on Level One involves unbearable stress, which results in disappointment, conflict, aging, disease and death.
And so, what we call reality is fantasy (Level One), and what we call fantasy is reality (Level Two). Level One is the level of fantasy or illusionment, Level Two is reality. and the journey of life is a disillusionment process from Level One to Level Two. What an upside- down world we have created! No wonder enlightenment has to be our number one priority each moment!
Once I said to this client that there is a formula about anxiety which can be helpful. That formula is “Anxiety is unawareness” He asked “Unawareness of what?” Perhaps that question is Jack’s existential life question. It certainly is mine.
The other half of the time, Jack rebels against this idea. He resists such a degrading story. He goofs off. He seeks escapes of various sorts. He is trying to live an impossible story. It can’t be done. We may tell ourselves that we sacrifice for others, or that we are people-pleasers, or conformists, or doormats, or victims, but it is impossible. It only seems that way. It’s just a story we tell ourselves. Such giving in is only a pretense. There is some kind of massive payoff, as well as massive regret and resentment.
Jack pursues meaning in brief little projects and hobbies, but he soon runs out of steam. He tries something new and it soon gets boring. He desires a change and when the change is made, he is soon disappointed. He tries to hide his disappointment because he sees others doing the same thing and they seem satisfied. He tries to copy them and to become satisfied. It doesn’t work. Disillusionment sets in.
Little does Jack realize that disillusionment is the last step before a breakthrough. We can never settle for disillusionment, nor can we avoid it. Disillusionment is preparation for level change. To find what we are seeking and desiring, we have to change levels. We can’t find ultimate meaning or satisfaction on this horizontal level. Neither can anyone else. Even if you become the best in your field, and even if you get rich, and even if your marriage lasts forever, and even if your kids succeed, it won’t satisfy. Finite food won’t satisfy an infinite appetite.
Jack has to try to identify what his lifelong burning question is. Everyone has such a question, although it may be buried underneath the fear of not finding an answer. It may be buried by disillusionment. “Why is this happening to me?” is one common form of a life question. “How can I find meaningful work?” “What is my life’s purpose?” “Do I have a mission?” “Why am I so miserable?” “What’s the use?” “Why should I care?”
I was asking Jack what his life’s question is. He misunderstood me and said “Are you asking me what is my life’s quest?” He was right! Our life’s question has to do with our life’s quest.
He recalls that he read a lot at one point in his life. He read all of the classics in which famous writers were expressing their disillusionment and the meaninglessness of life. He identified with their stories and found some temporary comfort there, but eventually he could not accept their conclusions. His relentless anxiety keeps pushing him to find and answer his fundamental life question.
What is your fundamental existential question about your self? Find that question and you will know the source of your angst.
The ego cannot be satisfied because it is a story of separation, lack, and entrapment. This story makes the ego into a control freak, with inevitable anxiety. If you perceive that there is lack, you will seek to control the world to remedy that lack. And you will fail because at the level of the ego story, there is no remedy for lack.
At the level of reality there is no lack, and so you are wasting your effort, and your control strategies will come to naught. You will only add more stress and anxiety to your experience. And so, our most fundamental question is “How do you get to Level Two where there is no lack, no need for control strategies, and no anxiety?” Living on Level One is an inevitable anxiety experience. Living on Level One involves unbearable stress, which results in disappointment, conflict, aging, disease and death.
And so, what we call reality is fantasy (Level One), and what we call fantasy is reality (Level Two). Level One is the level of fantasy or illusionment, Level Two is reality. and the journey of life is a disillusionment process from Level One to Level Two. What an upside- down world we have created! No wonder enlightenment has to be our number one priority each moment!
Once I said to this client that there is a formula about anxiety which can be helpful. That formula is “Anxiety is unawareness” He asked “Unawareness of what?” Perhaps that question is Jack’s existential life question. It certainly is mine.
posted by Dr. Joe at 7:45 AM
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