"Ego Stuff?"
“Ego Stuff?”
Because of our ego conditioning, you and I have upsets with ourselves and others, and others get upset with us. It’s inevitable. You don’t have to “take it personally” unless you want to continue with the same old reactivity-cycle. Just recognize it as “Ego Stuff” and joke about it. The joke though is on you if you don’t recognize it and label it humorously. If you don’t yet have a category for that in your mind, get one. Make up a little sign and put it on your wall at home and at work. “Ego Stuff?” is all the sign has to say. And when you remember this sign, laugh at yourself. Remember that Ego Stuff is about Egoland and its inhabitants, especially yourself. Ego Stuff is not a new way to brand and attack others, but it is a way to inquire and join. And then you can make up a second sign which says “Anxious Lovers?” And a third which says “Anxiety is Unawareness?” “Is That So?” may be best of all. Inquiry is far more helpful than accusation.
Ego Stuff covers about 95% of our thoughts, words and actions. Sorry about that. You will offend and be offended unless you can admit Ego Stuff. We do live in Egoland most of every day, even if we are on the conscious path of transformation. The Foot-and-Mouth Disease is rampant everywhere. You and I are never upset for the reason that we think and say. Ego Stuff is why we are upset. The ego story rules the world and feeds our anxiety-quotient. Attack-and-defend consumes time and energy and creates things like ADD and Bi-polar and other little “somatics.” Blame and punish is our human game. Accusations are very poor self-medications for anxiety. We still accuse God and our beloveds. We are still part of the matrix. Ego Stuff is just another name for anxiety-unawareness.
And so unless you still enjoy being right, being upset, and feeling like a victim, there are some other choices.
“Ego Stuff?” may be the first and best. Then the words “Only the Infinite Good is real” or “Only God exists” or “Anxiety is unawareness.”
For the more psychologically oriented, here are a few other suggestions.
We can safely say that any kind of upset or inappropriate behavior, including personal attack, is an “anxiety-reaction.” Any other kind of label, judgment or diagnosis, about even a personal attack, is less helpful than recognizing that Whoever is experiencing an “anxiety-reaction.” The second term that might be helpful is that Whoever has made a “poor choice.” The third term that might be okay is “defensive.” These three communication interpretations are the least accusatory and the most effective feedback for both the speaker and the listener.
On the positive side of the ledger you can ask yourself two questions: What does Upset Person care about? and what does he or she want? Was this behavior anxiety-motivated, was this response a poor choice, and was this a defensive reaction. Yes. Yes. Yes. What does Upset Person care about when he or she is upset, and what does he or she want? This line of questioning is designed not to change the other, but to make yourself more aware.
The best overall perception I can offer regarding any kind of upset is the “Anxious Lover” awareness. There are nothing but Anxious Lovers anywhere in Egoland. Embrace them! In so doing, you forgive what never happened and you get out of the mental prison called Egoland, at least for that moment.
Because of our ego conditioning, you and I have upsets with ourselves and others, and others get upset with us. It’s inevitable. You don’t have to “take it personally” unless you want to continue with the same old reactivity-cycle. Just recognize it as “Ego Stuff” and joke about it. The joke though is on you if you don’t recognize it and label it humorously. If you don’t yet have a category for that in your mind, get one. Make up a little sign and put it on your wall at home and at work. “Ego Stuff?” is all the sign has to say. And when you remember this sign, laugh at yourself. Remember that Ego Stuff is about Egoland and its inhabitants, especially yourself. Ego Stuff is not a new way to brand and attack others, but it is a way to inquire and join. And then you can make up a second sign which says “Anxious Lovers?” And a third which says “Anxiety is Unawareness?” “Is That So?” may be best of all. Inquiry is far more helpful than accusation.
Ego Stuff covers about 95% of our thoughts, words and actions. Sorry about that. You will offend and be offended unless you can admit Ego Stuff. We do live in Egoland most of every day, even if we are on the conscious path of transformation. The Foot-and-Mouth Disease is rampant everywhere. You and I are never upset for the reason that we think and say. Ego Stuff is why we are upset. The ego story rules the world and feeds our anxiety-quotient. Attack-and-defend consumes time and energy and creates things like ADD and Bi-polar and other little “somatics.” Blame and punish is our human game. Accusations are very poor self-medications for anxiety. We still accuse God and our beloveds. We are still part of the matrix. Ego Stuff is just another name for anxiety-unawareness.
And so unless you still enjoy being right, being upset, and feeling like a victim, there are some other choices.
“Ego Stuff?” may be the first and best. Then the words “Only the Infinite Good is real” or “Only God exists” or “Anxiety is unawareness.”
For the more psychologically oriented, here are a few other suggestions.
We can safely say that any kind of upset or inappropriate behavior, including personal attack, is an “anxiety-reaction.” Any other kind of label, judgment or diagnosis, about even a personal attack, is less helpful than recognizing that Whoever is experiencing an “anxiety-reaction.” The second term that might be helpful is that Whoever has made a “poor choice.” The third term that might be okay is “defensive.” These three communication interpretations are the least accusatory and the most effective feedback for both the speaker and the listener.
On the positive side of the ledger you can ask yourself two questions: What does Upset Person care about? and what does he or she want? Was this behavior anxiety-motivated, was this response a poor choice, and was this a defensive reaction. Yes. Yes. Yes. What does Upset Person care about when he or she is upset, and what does he or she want? This line of questioning is designed not to change the other, but to make yourself more aware.
The best overall perception I can offer regarding any kind of upset is the “Anxious Lover” awareness. There are nothing but Anxious Lovers anywhere in Egoland. Embrace them! In so doing, you forgive what never happened and you get out of the mental prison called Egoland, at least for that moment.
posted by Dr. Joe at 6:16 AM
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