Anxiety is a Snitch

Anxiety is a snitch.

Anxiety is telling on you.

Anxiety tells you that you have made a mistake.

Anxiety tells you that you have fooled yourself.

Anxiety tells you that you are addicted to some story of shadow, limitation, guilt, fear, worry, and lack.

The purpose of anxiety is to reveal to you that the ego is a shadow-maker, but that you are unlimited light, that nothing is impossible to you. God is the light in you. You are the light of the world. Christmas is the celebration of the re-birth of light-awareness in the world.

Angels sang when you were born, but no one heard them.

Wise men came when you were born, but no one saw them.

You can be born again today. You can celebrate today. You can awaken today to the presence of angels and wise men. You can claim your birthright today.

A Special Christmas Message

God became man in Jesus, right? The birth of Jesus changed the world, right? But does not Christmas mean that God became man in me too? That I too am a Christ, a cosmic being, not an ego. That I too am the light of the world? If Christmas means anything it means light.

Jesus said “I am the light of the world’ but he also said “You are the light of the world.” Isn’t that a bit odd to you, a bit strange to you, a bit paradoxical to you? I am a Christ light in my world?

Why does my mind tend to make something special outside of me as a power source when I am that power source? I am either the maker of that idol outside of me as the light source, or I am that light source. You can’t have it both ways. Are you the inventor of outside light sources or are you the light source? You are either the inventor or the light source. As inventor, you are ego. As light source, you are the Self, the Christ, the light of the world. God is becoming man in me. God is the light in me. That is the Christmas message.

Who or what do you give light-power to? Do you give this power to some codependent relationship, to some job, to some authority figure, to some substance, to some sport, to the body, to some addiction? No, I’ll tell you what you give power to: to your story! Your story is your idol, your god, your light source. You live and die by your story, your belief system. Your belief-system is your god, your religion, your light source. But the question is, is it true? Is your story providing you with light-and-darkness? Is your story getting you what you want? Is your story anxiety-dominated?

Are you the light source of your world, or is your story? What is the difference between you and your story? What kind of light source is your story? A dark reflection in a mirror, said St. Paul. Your story is a dark reflection in a mirror. Smoke and mirrors. Depression and anxiety, with a little hope thrown in, is what characterizes the human story.

You are the light of the world. Let go of that muddy story, that cloudy story, that dark mirror story, and become what you are. Anxiety-recognition will tell you immediately what your story is. If you are anxious right now, you are not aware. Just notice what is creating your anxiety. It is your story, is it not? The Light that you are is not creating your shadow story. Your shadow is your story. You are light, not shadow. How can there be a shadow where there is light? Light makes shadows disappear. Plato saw shadows on the wall and became mesmerized by them, but he learned that you can turn around, walk out of the cave of shadows into the light. That light is what you are.

God is the light in you. Your story is the only shadow there is. Anxiety is the snitch. Anxiety is telling on you. Anxiety tells you that you have made a mistake. Anxiety tells you that you have fooled yourself. Anxiety tells you that you are addicted to some story of shadow, limitation, guilt, fear, worry, and lack. The purpose of anxiety is to reveal to you, once again, that you are unlimited light, that nothing is impossible to you. God is the light in you. You are the light of the world. Christmas is the celebration of the re-birth of light-awareness in the world.

The Unconditional

ONCE LONG AGO IN CHINA there lived a girl named Chen Lien who was very self-conscious about a large scar, caused by a childhood accident, that crossed one of her eyebrows. If by mistake she happened to catch her reflection in a mirror, she quickly turned away; the scar seemed three times larger than it really was to her. And so she avoided mirrors and reflections at all costs, and as she grew to become a young woman, she preferred to spend more and more time alone in the garden. Yet she remained helpful and pleasant to all.

One day a rich young man named Wu Tang was visiting Chen Lien's neighbors in the house next door. As Wu Tang was climbing in the trees searching for bird's nests, he happened to notice Chen Lien in the garden below, over the wall, stitching embroidery and humming to herself. He was so entranced by the young woman, who moved as gracefully as a willow branch and whose sweet voice hypnotized him, that he nearly fell from the branches. It so happened that the maiden sat with her good side facing toward him, and Wu Tang thought her the perfect vision of a soul mate.

He scurried down the tree. "I have found my bride!" Wu Tang declared to his parents. "Call the matchmaker at once."

And so the matchmaker was summoned. After the usual discussion of gifts and negotiations, the matchmaker asked all others to leave the room. "I must have a moment alone with the young man," said she.

"Wu Tang," said the matchmaker. "As you know, the young woman is from a good family and carries herself with the grace of a princess. But there is something you may not know about her. You should know about a flaw to her beauty."

"I have seen her with my own eyes!" exclaimed Wu Tang. "I will not hear you speak of any flaw!"

And so the wedding arrangements proceeded on schedule. Soon the day of the ceremony was at hand. Never was the garden of Chen Lien's home more lovely, decorated with fresh flowers from stonewall to treetop. Yet while Chen Lien was standing in her bridal fineries, she felt uneasy. In the last moments before the ceremony began, she anxiously turned to her mother.

"Are you sure the matchmaker told him?"

"Yes, my child, I told you a hundred times," said her mother. "She absolutely told him about your eyebrow and it does not matter to him in the least." And the mother adjusted her daughter's veil.

Yet as Chen Lien watched her husband-to-be laughing and talking with guests, she worried, "If he had been told, why wouldn't he try to glance at me to try to see the scar through my veil? Why does he seem so unaware of it?"

After the wedding ceremony, the two of them were alone. The new husband lifted his bride's veil, and who can blame him if he was startled when he first saw the eyebrow?

Poor Chen Lien saw the surprise on her husband's face. She said, "Good husband, did not the matchmaker tell you of my bad eyebrow?" The young man was silent, so she went on.

"When I was a little girl," she said, "my family was traveling far away to visit friends. I was playing in their garden when a little boy threw a heavy stone. I'm sure that he did not wish to hurt me, but it hit me on the forehead, and cut this gash where you now see a scar. I am sorry that I cannot come to you, my husband, perfect in every way."

"O my bride," said Wu Tang at last, "what was the name of that little boy who threw the stone?"

"Alas, I do not know; he was a visitor there like myself."

"Was the garden in which you were playing that of the Li family in the city of Peking?" whispered Wu.

"O excellent husband, how could you know that?"

"Because that boy was myself," said Wu. "My parents have often told me how I once threw a stone and cut the forehead of a little girl in the gardens of the Li family. It must be destiny itself that our ankles are now tied with the silken cord of marriage, so that I might finally make amends to you for the injury I caused. And now I know exactly what I must do."

He called for the finest black ink and his thinnest writing brush, and with the brush and ink he drew a new eyebrow right through the scar. It was thin and curved, like a willow leaf, and it was so much like Chen Lien's other perfect eyebrow that no one could tell them apart.

For all the many happy years that the two lovers lived together, every morning the husband Wu Fang painted a new willow-leaf eyebrow over the scar that he had made. And so the two of them lived their lives in perfect contentment.

You Need More Money?

You need more money? Is that true?
How can you be sure that the thought "I need more money" is absolutely true?
You're not in the future yet, so how can you be sure about the future?
How do you react when you think the thought "I need more money" ? Are you stressed?

Did you know that "No one has more money than they have?" There is not one person or one moment that that is not true.

How do you react when you believe "I need more money when I don't have more money"
Stressed? Anxious? Frustrated?

What pictures come into your mind when you tell yourself "I need more moeny when i don't have more money?" Do you see yourself a homeless person pushing a shopping cart? Alone in the world?

What do you feel in your body when you think such thoughts and see such pictures?
Notice how your chest tightens up.

Notice your life without that thought that you need more money.There are two ways to live your life: stressed out or not. Either way you only have the money that you have.

So let's start where you are right now, which is the only place you will ever be.
Why is is true that you don't need more money than you have right now? Because you are living okay right now. You just had lunch! I invite you to just notice that you are okay right now.

Imagine that you were just evicted from your home and they repossessed your car. You are sitting on the curb lookin at what used to be your home. Get real. Do you truly need more money now or are you okay? The sky is beautiful, the breeze is nice. Look at your former house and feel gratitude. Now you don't have to pay the mortgage. And you always wanted to get in the habit of walking more, now that you have no car.

Who would you be without the story that you need more money? Have you noticed the blue sky, the birds singing, and the flowers around you? You did nothing for these wonderful things. Its grace. Its a state of grace. With or witho9ut money, we have a right to be happy. That's our birthright.

When peace is dependent on arms or legs, on houses or cars, there is no possibility of peace. In my experience, there is no possibility of peace when there are conditions. The difference is in what is true or not. What is real is what is kind. But if we project our story upon reality, fear happens. Its pretty simple, huh?

Byron Katie

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Where Did my Happiness Go?

"I can remember being happy once, but now it is gone. Where did it go?"

Whenever I tell myself the story that my happiness, my good, is not present, then I experience unhappiness-anxiety. Let’s say that my known limited good is a million dollars or a certain woman. Right now I have neither, and so I experience lack-anxiety or unhappiness.

But what is a million dollars a symbol of? And what is this woman a symbol of? Let’s say that a million dollars is symbolic of security or prosperity. Let’s say that this woman is symbolic of beauty, intimacy, love, sex, or fun. So where is “prosperity” and where is “fun” in my consciousness? After all, I can only experience my consciousness. I cannot experience a million dollars or a woman directly, but only my consciousness of a million dollars and a woman. So I have a state of mind called “security” and a state of mind called “fun,” which are symbolized by a million dollars and a woman, symbols of my known, limited good.

However, suppose that my good is actually unlimited, unknown and infinite. Suppose that my whole state of mind is my infinite good, which includes all of my finite symbols of good. When my awareness increases from my finite, known, limited good to my unknown, unlimited, infinite good, my anxiety disappears. When I move from Egoland (my known limited good symbols) to Reality (my unknown, unlimited, infinite good), then my anxiety is reduced accordingly.

All limited good symbols eventually become disappointing, frustrating, painful and angering. Anxiety squared. None of my limited good symbols satisfy my infinite appetite. It’s a setup. The universe is rigged for my disappointment and awakening. How can any “limited good” satisfy an “unlimited good” appetite? Impossible.

My clients often say “That woman can never be satisfied!” Or “I can’t make him happy!” Right on both counts! And that’s good to know, isn’t it? Marriage is a perfect laboratory for growth and awakening from our ego story of lack. When we get married, the unconscious ego deal is “I will make you happy if you will make me happy.” Impossible. No one can make anyone else happy. No one can even make himself or herself happy. You are happiness - undiscovered, unknown, denied, and ignored.

Happiness is not something you do or buy or get from somewhere or someone. Happiness is what you are, but forgot. Anxiety is the major sign that you are ignoring who and what you are. Anxiety is the major sign that you are trying to find happiness in Egoland, somewhere outside of Self-awareness. The Infinite Good is what you are, not some object like a million dollars or a certain relationship. You can lose a million dollars or a relationship. The Infinite Good cannot be lost, only ignored. When you awaken to your infinite good, then all finite goods are okay just as they are. You are happiness. All of your finite goods are just to understand and enjoy, not to make you happy. Without Self-awareness, acceptance of everyday life becomes difficult if not impossible, and certainly anxiety-producing. If God is infinite, then my good is always present, whether I am aware of it or not. God is Self-awareness, happiness, and so am i.

When I was in Los Angeles, a psychologist came to me asking for a job in my spiritual psychotherapy center. I asked him why he would want to work for me, when he is a psychologist and can work anywhere he chooses and make better money. He told me a story of a dream that changed his life.
In this dream he was walking down the street when he met a Holy Man. The Holy Man said : “There is a divine plan for your life.” I said to him, pulling out a book from under my arm “I don’t need any other plan, I have my own plan. Look in my book here.” The Holy Man looked in my book and then pulled out a much bigger book from under his own arm and said “Look at what’s in my book, and you will see that my plan includes your plan!”

The Infinite Good includes all finite goods and none of the anxiety. That is why Jesus said “Seek first the Kingdom of Reality and all other finite things will be added unto you.” (Matt 6:33) His whole mission was to demonstrate and explain the science of happiness, or joy, as he called it. Where did your happiness go? It went nowhere, you just went unconscious. You are seeking outwardly and anxiously for the symbols of what you already are.

"Ego Stuff?"

“Ego Stuff?”

Because of our ego conditioning, you and I have upsets with ourselves and others, and others get upset with us. It’s inevitable. You don’t have to “take it personally” unless you want to continue with the same old reactivity-cycle. Just recognize it as “Ego Stuff” and joke about it. The joke though is on you if you don’t recognize it and label it humorously. If you don’t yet have a category for that in your mind, get one. Make up a little sign and put it on your wall at home and at work. “Ego Stuff?” is all the sign has to say. And when you remember this sign, laugh at yourself. Remember that Ego Stuff is about Egoland and its inhabitants, especially yourself. Ego Stuff is not a new way to brand and attack others, but it is a way to inquire and join. And then you can make up a second sign which says “Anxious Lovers?” And a third which says “Anxiety is Unawareness?” “Is That So?” may be best of all. Inquiry is far more helpful than accusation.

Ego Stuff covers about 95% of our thoughts, words and actions. Sorry about that. You will offend and be offended unless you can admit Ego Stuff. We do live in Egoland most of every day, even if we are on the conscious path of transformation. The Foot-and-Mouth Disease is rampant everywhere. You and I are never upset for the reason that we think and say. Ego Stuff is why we are upset. The ego story rules the world and feeds our anxiety-quotient. Attack-and-defend consumes time and energy and creates things like ADD and Bi-polar and other little “somatics.” Blame and punish is our human game. Accusations are very poor self-medications for anxiety. We still accuse God and our beloveds. We are still part of the matrix. Ego Stuff is just another name for anxiety-unawareness.

And so unless you still enjoy being right, being upset, and feeling like a victim, there are some other choices.

“Ego Stuff?” may be the first and best. Then the words “Only the Infinite Good is real” or “Only God exists” or “Anxiety is unawareness.”

For the more psychologically oriented, here are a few other suggestions.

We can safely say that any kind of upset or inappropriate behavior, including personal attack, is an “anxiety-reaction.” Any other kind of label, judgment or diagnosis, about even a personal attack, is less helpful than recognizing that Whoever is experiencing an “anxiety-reaction.” The second term that might be helpful is that Whoever has made a “poor choice.” The third term that might be okay is “defensive.” These three communication interpretations are the least accusatory and the most effective feedback for both the speaker and the listener.

On the positive side of the ledger you can ask yourself two questions: What does Upset Person care about? and what does he or she want? Was this behavior anxiety-motivated, was this response a poor choice, and was this a defensive reaction. Yes. Yes. Yes. What does Upset Person care about when he or she is upset, and what does he or she want? This line of questioning is designed not to change the other, but to make yourself more aware.

The best overall perception I can offer regarding any kind of upset is the “Anxious Lover” awareness. There are nothing but Anxious Lovers anywhere in Egoland. Embrace them! In so doing, you forgive what never happened and you get out of the mental prison called Egoland, at least for that moment.

Massage for Men

Massage for Men is one more missing piece in a holistic health program.

Human touch is a key to intimacy. We are so out of touch with ourselves that we are compulsively seeking and touching other people in inappropriate ways. Thousands of men are now caught up in child molestation, pornography, casual distant sexual behavior, promiscuity, prostitution, gay and heterosexual acting out, loneliness, divorce, cheating, masturbation, drugs, and other forms of addiction in which they are seeking outwardly for some kind of inner fulfillment
Getting in touch with yourself is a necessity for health and intimacy.

Massage means not just rubbing or being rubbed, but it means an inner connection with self and an energy exchange with another. If you are not connecting with yourself, you cannot connect with another at a totally satisfying depth.

Massage is a form of communication through touch and being in touch. Being in touch with yourself is essential to being in touch with another. How lovingly do you “touch” yourself with your awareness, thoughts and feelings?
If you want to touch yourself or another, if you want to be in touch, you must choose to be present. One soul touches another through the imagination, thoughts, eyes, and hands. Too often we are not fully present when we touch another. Our eyes do not touch. Our thoughts do not touch. We are too busy protecting ourselves in order to risk real touch. We think that unless we have an orgasm it is not worth the risk or the effort. Orgasm is a physical form of union which can be rather brief and empty if we are not totally present in body, mind and spirit. What you want is real connection, total union, not just two bodies.
Massage then is a form of communication, and touch is a vehicle for union with ourselves and another. Massage is an energy exchange.
But for the male in particular there are some potential traps in massage. The male must be ready to be aroused and to relax. He must learn to feminize his sexuality. It is not just a thrusting, it is also a receptivity. He must be able to receive the flow of the universe through him and his touch. He is not just giving to another. He is also receiving from the universe. Energy is flowing through him. One soul is touching another through the bodies of two. If he gets aroused and gets an erection, let him also relax. Sexual energy is spiritual energy is intimacy energy is communion. You receive by giving, you give by receiving. Find out about your energy flow.

Massage for men is a labor of love. It must be an act of giving, unconditional giving, with no expectation of any return. If there is a return, it is a return of energy, and perhaps secondarily of romance, affection, and sexual intimacy. But let this be a labor of love, a labor of total touch. A touch of one soul to another through the hands. If your beloved wants to also give you a massage, so much the better. If she wants to respond with affection and sexual giving, so much the better. If she does not respond in that manner, you have already received and given.

Health benefits of massage: Tension settles primarily in the spinal area. Through massage you will be learning to sense and release knots of tension. Use olive oil and essential oils. Purchase an electric vibrator massage unit from Oster for a lifetime of use. Learn to use massage, including the vibrator, on the neck, on the temples, in the ears, on the face, under the eyes, under the nose, on the top of the head, under the chin, up and down the spine, on the bottoms of the feet. It relieves headaches, sore throats, backaches, sinus problems and other trouble spots in general. Like acupuncture, it releases blockages and sets your energy flowing again.

Massage can be a part of your daily quality time together. It is free. It is much more relaxing and bond-like than television and other forms of distraction. The massage relaxation ritual will lessen sexual compulsions, avoidances and increase intimacy, whether it results in orgasm or not. Orgasm is not the primary goal of massage play. Contact, energy sharing, total intimacy, relaxation, presence, health and fun are the objectives of massage. It can take ten minutes or an hour. It can be done with clothes on or off. It can be done with soap and warm water, a shower, candle light, music, or not.

Technique is not primary in massage play, but you will increase in knowledge and skill if you are sensitive and aware, listening to what your partner feels and wants. Take a class or two in massage. Buy a book or two with pictures. Search online sources about massage.

Sit behind your partner. Have your partner sit on the floor in front of you. Gently put your knee in the center of their back and pull the shoulders back. Be careful and go slow with this one. Raise their arms one at a time and massage next to the spine. Gently massage the top of the crown and the shoulder muscles. Gently massage around the neck in the back where it joins the lower skull. Gently massage the face and the top of the head.

There is a great deal to learn about massage. Use your intuition. Practice makes perfect. Start gently and let your partner be your guide. Use olive oil and essential oils. Invest in an Oster for less than $75 for a lifetime of use. This massage unit fits on the hand and only the fingers touch the body while the whole hand vibrates. It’s the best massage unit money can buy because it is humanized. It is a combination of machine and hand. It sends vibrations deep into the body and brings soothing relaxation. You don’t need to use this to replace general massage, but as a supplement, particularly for health needs.
After a year of training, practice and experience with your partner, you may want to expand your massage to your wider family and children.
Share appropriate massage with your kids. It will help them relax, do better in school, and relieve minor health problems. Energy flow is healthy. Blockages are released. It can even be shared while watching TV. Foot rubs are part of playful massage.

Let your children learn to enjoy such positive touch and sharing. Some people only touch for sex or for hitting. That is impoverishing, degrading and unnecessary. Think of massage as hugging, as energy flow, as healing touch, as sharing quality time, as gift giving, as intimacy in action. Giving and receiving are equally powerful. In fact, in massage, you are always doing both. You are giving and receiving within and without. You can’t give or receive a massage without being blessed. Offer it. Ask for it. Give it. Receive it. Educate yourself. Get a few massages from professionals. We study boxing, wrestling, athletics, tennis, hunting and fishing, cross-country running, gymnastics, and other forms of competitive athletics. Why not study and become a masseur or masseuse?
Here is an opportunity for a man to learn gentleness, intimacy and touch, with or without sexual overtones. Compulsive touching and compulsive avoidance begin to disappear. Must have sex/can’t have sex disappears. Pregnancy, menopause, illness and monthly periods are no longer an issue. There is no one at any time that would not benefit from massage, Washing feet is a form of massage. Reflexology is a form of massage.

We may have been programmed from childhood to avoid touch, but that can be overcome slowly and surely. If we don’t touch and we don’t hug, it is all learned. Have you watched movies about chimpanzees, how they touch and massage each other? You won’t find a baby or a kitten that doesn’t want touch unless great fear has been introduced. Re-learn the power and value of touch. Grow up with your child. Appropriate holding, playing and massage are natural and healthy.

Wrong touch can be re-learned. There are appropriate boundaries for touch and dress, particularly for parents and children. Honor and respect those boundaries. If you don’t know those boundaries, go see a therapist. Don’t use massage and touch inappropriately. Naked massage is only for husband and wife. One of the reasons that we don’t use massage is because of taboos. Deal wisely with those taboos and boundaries. You can be safe and loving. You don’t have to be cold, avoidant, impulsive and compulsive. You don’t have to act out. You can live from the heart. You don’t have to join a nudist colony to deeply share, in fact it would probably be pretty superficial.

Men could conceivably misuse massage for some kind of sexual kick. Do not do massage with girls without a woman present. Be very discrete about how and when you touch a girl or a woman. You don’t want to be accused of something or get in psychological boundary problems or legal problems. Just as there are classes in martial arts, there are classes in massage. We can be wise and loving.

A Man Discovers the Best Way to Picture Infinity

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