Inquiry for Couples
I am suggesting that all of my couples in therapy read this article together, alternating reading one sentence by the husband and the next by the wife. No comments should be allowed until the entire article is finished. After one or two readings of the entire article, a lot of light will begin to shine in your consciousness. If you get stumped, that’s okay. Keep asking for more understanding. Let me know how it goes. Kindly, Dr. Wright
If You Didn't Get it, Why not?
The big question regarding your last life crisis is: Did you get it? Why not?
The important question for your last therapy attempt to deal with anxiety is: Did you get it? Why not?
If all you got was relief from the last time you unsuccessfully manipulated something or someone, then you didn't get it.
If all you did was recover from the consequences of the last time you didn't get it, you didn't get it.
If you are still recurrently anxious, sick or depressed, you didn't get it
If you got your way, you didn't get it.
If your survival strategy worked, you didn't get it
If you won the power struggle, you didn't get it
If you are settling for less, you don't get it
If you felt you were the most clever, you didn't get it
If you just made some kind of New Year's resolutions, you didn't get it
If you are just trying harder, you didn't get it
If you are still after approval and appreciation, you didn't get it
If life is still going up and down, you didn't get it
If you still think marriage or divorce will fix it, you didn't get it
If you are still looking for the man or woman of your dreams, you didn't get it
If you think a better job is going to do it for you, you didn't get it
If all you did was confess your crime and serve your sentence, you didn't get it
If all you did was prove you're right, you didn't get it
If all you did was win the lottery, you didn't get it
If all you did was score, you didn't get it
If all you won was a gold medal at some Olympic contest, you didn't get it, only a symbol of it.
If you are up or down because your team or political party won or lost, you didn't get it
If you don't 100% love reality yet, you don't get it
If you are still championing some religious, political or soap box cause, you haven't gotten it
If you still have an axe to grind, you didn't get it
If you are not actively investigating your thinking, you won't get it
If you think you know how things should be, you haven't gotten it yet
If you are trying to deny, prevent or avoid the recurrence of something painful in your life, you won't get it
If you think there is something to resist or conquer, you won't get it
If you are still waiting for your luck to change, you won't get it
If you think your past or future holds the` key to success or failure, you won't get it
If all you did was get out of the dog house after your last fight, you didn't get it.
If you really think circumstance have power over you, you don't get it
If you think something or someone is making you a victim, you didn't get it
If you didn't get it, its not because of stupidity, but of ignorance
If you didn't get it, it is because you think you are merely human
If you think you can cure anxiety with pills or distraction, you won't get it
If you think anxiety is a problem or a coincidence, you won't get it
If you didn't get it, it is just because you think you don't have time or the intelligence to try to understand why. you didn't get it
If you think something else is more important than getting it, you won't get it.
If you are mad at me for saying you didn't get it, that is a sure sign you don't get it
If you haven't gotten it, it is because you don't know where it is
If you didn't get it, it is because you blamed the world and God for your sense of lack
If you didn't get it, it is because it went by too fast to see it
If you didn't get it, it is because you thought you didn't have it and you have to chase after it.
If you didn't get it, it isn't too late, everyone has to get it sooner or later
If you don't know what It is yet, maybe it's time to find out.
If you want it bad enough to ask, I will join you in making sure you get it
What will it cost you to get it? Your habitual way of thinking
What will it pay you? Everything you ever wanted
If you didn't get it yet, you will!
You may be wondering why the same old patterns keep repeating like a broken record, and why you didn't get it yet. You may be tired of the same old boring excuses and reactions. If you didn't get it the first time or the fifty-first time, , there is still another chance to get it.
Listen to the way Rumi puts it:
COME, whoever you are
COME, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving
COME, this is not a caravan of despair
COME, it doesn't matter if you've broken your vows a thousand times
Still, COME
And yet again, COME!
Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes around in another form. The child weaned from its mother's mild now drinks wine and honey mixed. God's joy[2] moves from unmarked box to unmarked box, from cell to cell. As rainwater, it goes down into the flowerbed. As roses, it comes up from the ground. Now it looks like a plate of rice and fish, now a cliff covered with vines, now a horse being saddled. It hides within these, till one day it cracks them open.
Rumi
Or, Isaiah:
"Ho, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters. And you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk. Without money and without cost. Why do you want to spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance. Incline your ear and come to me. Listen, that you may live."
Its Ok if you didn't get it yet, we are all involved in the process of getting it, either unconsciously or consciously.
If you think you are unhappy because you haven't felt totally accepted, loved or appreciated, you just didn't get it yet.
If you don't already have it somewhere, how could you possibly get it?
If you think you've got it, you haven't
Forgetting (discounting) your dreams didn't help you to get it
If you still think that any experience in your life doesn't have a beneficial purpose and cause, you still don't get it
If you haven't found the meaning and purpose of your last crisis (large or small), you may not be aware there is anything to get
If you think there is anything you can satisfactorily control besides your thinking, you haven't got it yet.
If you are still justifying your behavior and defending your beliefs, you don't get it.
If you are still telling yourself the story that you are alone, lacking or trapped, you didn't get it
If you continue to think that you can get the results you want without questioning your story, you won't get it
If you think that God is out there somewhere, you aren't here either
If you didn't get it yet, are you ready to ask?
If you still think that money, sex, being right or consuming some substance will substitute for IT, you are kidding yourself
If you think dieting, exercise or physical exercise will do it, good luck!
If you think suicide or homicide will erase the pain of not getting it, you in for a surprise
If you think that accusing or punishing others for not giving you what you want will get it for you, you don't get it
If you think that trying to rescue people will save you from the pain of not knowing the truth about yourself, you haven't got it.
If you think you know yourself already, you don't get it
If you think that changing your body's conditions will be sufficient, you don't get it yet
If you think that changing the world is possible, you are wasting your time
If you think will power will get it, why hasn't it worked so far?
Where is the door to the lost treasure, the Holy Grail, the fountain of youth, the Shangri la, the kingdom of heaven, your peace of mind? Until you ask about that, you are not even close to getting it.
If you wondered whether you got it, you didn't
If you think getting it is anything besides a process of awakening, you didn't get it.
Getting it occurs when it gets you
If you thought you didn't get it yet, maybe that proves there is something to get
If you are not curious enough yet about the real cause of your anxiety and suffering, you're not ready to get it
Everyone is here to get it, but the secret to getting it is hidden underneath all of the secrets that didn't get it.
Getting it is realizing that everything you see, hear and believe is your story, including the world itself.
Unless you constantly and thoroughly question and investigate your story about reality and about yourself, you will never get it.
If and until you realize you are 99% brainwashed, you won't get it
Nothing is as it seems, do you get it?
Can you get it if you didn't do some particular crime or wrong that you were accused of and are being punished for? And suppose you are punishing someone else for a wrong they did or didn't do, can you still get it?
If you think the past is a closed book and can't be changed, you didn't get it yet.
If you think you lost everything, you didn't get it yet
If you think disappointment is the final word, you didn't get it yet
If you think aging, suffering, sickness, taxes or death is the final word, you didn't get it yet
If you wonder whether the good guys or the bad guys will win in the end, you didn't get it yet
If you are waiting on Armageddon or the rapture, you didn't get it yet
If you are waiting on your good, you didn't get it yet
If you think the body is sick, you didn't get it yet
If you think you can change someone else, you didn't get it yet
If you think you can hurt someone else or that someone else can hurt you, you didn't get it yet.
If you think someone can control you, you didn't get it yet
If you think fear or its consequences are real, you don't get it yet
If you think it is not okay not to get it, then you don't get it
If you think I am being evasive or secretive about getting it, then you don't get it
If you are still studying and scheming about how to make your usual strategy work, you don't get it.
If you want to get it, you had better study why your strategy isn't working rather that studying why it should be working.
The reason your strategy isn't working is because it isn't the truth, do you get it?
When you notice that your strategy doesn't work over 50% of the time, and it doesn't, why don't you get it?
If you don't understand why Plato said "Know thyself" you didn't get it
If you think the Christ is irrelevant to getting it, you don't get it
If you avoid yourself because you think you know yourself, you aren’t getting it
If you are still ignoring the real cause of your anger, grief, depression, anxiety jealousy or boredom, you don't get it
If you think victimizing others is going to un-victimize you, you didn't get it
If you think rescuing others is going to un-victimize you, you don’t get it
If you still think anything can substitute for self-knowledge, you didn't get it
If you think ignorance of the facts is bliss, you didn't get it
I am never upset (mad, frustrated, bored, depressed, argumentative, impulsive, acting out, judgmental, manipulative, or defensive) for the reason I think. Do you get that?
If you think you are superior or inferior, then you didn't get it.
If you think building up your self-esteem will get it, you don't get it
If you don't ask for much, you don't get much, get it?
If you think that there is anything else as important in life as getting it, you don't get it.
You don’t get it because you don’t think you have it, do you get it?
If You Didn't Get it, Why not?
The big question regarding your last life crisis is: Did you get it? Why not?
The important question for your last therapy attempt to deal with anxiety is: Did you get it? Why not?
If all you got was relief from the last time you unsuccessfully manipulated something or someone, then you didn't get it.
If all you did was recover from the consequences of the last time you didn't get it, you didn't get it.
If you are still recurrently anxious, sick or depressed, you didn't get it
If you got your way, you didn't get it.
If your survival strategy worked, you didn't get it
If you won the power struggle, you didn't get it
If you are settling for less, you don't get it
If you felt you were the most clever, you didn't get it
If you just made some kind of New Year's resolutions, you didn't get it
If you are just trying harder, you didn't get it
If you are still after approval and appreciation, you didn't get it
If life is still going up and down, you didn't get it
If you still think marriage or divorce will fix it, you didn't get it
If you are still looking for the man or woman of your dreams, you didn't get it
If you think a better job is going to do it for you, you didn't get it
If all you did was confess your crime and serve your sentence, you didn't get it
If all you did was prove you're right, you didn't get it
If all you did was win the lottery, you didn't get it
If all you did was score, you didn't get it
If all you won was a gold medal at some Olympic contest, you didn't get it, only a symbol of it.
If you are up or down because your team or political party won or lost, you didn't get it
If you don't 100% love reality yet, you don't get it
If you are still championing some religious, political or soap box cause, you haven't gotten it
If you still have an axe to grind, you didn't get it
If you are not actively investigating your thinking, you won't get it
If you think you know how things should be, you haven't gotten it yet
If you are trying to deny, prevent or avoid the recurrence of something painful in your life, you won't get it
If you think there is something to resist or conquer, you won't get it
If you are still waiting for your luck to change, you won't get it
If you think your past or future holds the` key to success or failure, you won't get it
If all you did was get out of the dog house after your last fight, you didn't get it.
If you really think circumstance have power over you, you don't get it
If you think something or someone is making you a victim, you didn't get it
If you didn't get it, its not because of stupidity, but of ignorance
If you didn't get it, it is because you think you are merely human
If you think you can cure anxiety with pills or distraction, you won't get it
If you think anxiety is a problem or a coincidence, you won't get it
If you didn't get it, it is just because you think you don't have time or the intelligence to try to understand why. you didn't get it
If you think something else is more important than getting it, you won't get it.
If you are mad at me for saying you didn't get it, that is a sure sign you don't get it
If you haven't gotten it, it is because you don't know where it is
If you didn't get it, it is because you blamed the world and God for your sense of lack
If you didn't get it, it is because it went by too fast to see it
If you didn't get it, it is because you thought you didn't have it and you have to chase after it.
If you didn't get it, it isn't too late, everyone has to get it sooner or later
If you don't know what It is yet, maybe it's time to find out.
If you want it bad enough to ask, I will join you in making sure you get it
What will it cost you to get it? Your habitual way of thinking
What will it pay you? Everything you ever wanted
If you didn't get it yet, you will!
You may be wondering why the same old patterns keep repeating like a broken record, and why you didn't get it yet. You may be tired of the same old boring excuses and reactions. If you didn't get it the first time or the fifty-first time, , there is still another chance to get it.
Listen to the way Rumi puts it:
COME, whoever you are
COME, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving
COME, this is not a caravan of despair
COME, it doesn't matter if you've broken your vows a thousand times
Still, COME
And yet again, COME!
Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes around in another form. The child weaned from its mother's mild now drinks wine and honey mixed. God's joy[2] moves from unmarked box to unmarked box, from cell to cell. As rainwater, it goes down into the flowerbed. As roses, it comes up from the ground. Now it looks like a plate of rice and fish, now a cliff covered with vines, now a horse being saddled. It hides within these, till one day it cracks them open.
Rumi
Or, Isaiah:
"Ho, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters. And you who have no money, come, buy and eat. Come, buy wine and milk. Without money and without cost. Why do you want to spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourself in abundance. Incline your ear and come to me. Listen, that you may live."
Its Ok if you didn't get it yet, we are all involved in the process of getting it, either unconsciously or consciously.
If you think you are unhappy because you haven't felt totally accepted, loved or appreciated, you just didn't get it yet.
If you don't already have it somewhere, how could you possibly get it?
If you think you've got it, you haven't
Forgetting (discounting) your dreams didn't help you to get it
If you still think that any experience in your life doesn't have a beneficial purpose and cause, you still don't get it
If you haven't found the meaning and purpose of your last crisis (large or small), you may not be aware there is anything to get
If you think there is anything you can satisfactorily control besides your thinking, you haven't got it yet.
If you are still justifying your behavior and defending your beliefs, you don't get it.
If you are still telling yourself the story that you are alone, lacking or trapped, you didn't get it
If you continue to think that you can get the results you want without questioning your story, you won't get it
If you think that God is out there somewhere, you aren't here either
If you didn't get it yet, are you ready to ask?
If you still think that money, sex, being right or consuming some substance will substitute for IT, you are kidding yourself
If you think dieting, exercise or physical exercise will do it, good luck!
If you think suicide or homicide will erase the pain of not getting it, you in for a surprise
If you think that accusing or punishing others for not giving you what you want will get it for you, you don't get it
If you think that trying to rescue people will save you from the pain of not knowing the truth about yourself, you haven't got it.
If you think you know yourself already, you don't get it
If you think that changing your body's conditions will be sufficient, you don't get it yet
If you think that changing the world is possible, you are wasting your time
If you think will power will get it, why hasn't it worked so far?
Where is the door to the lost treasure, the Holy Grail, the fountain of youth, the Shangri la, the kingdom of heaven, your peace of mind? Until you ask about that, you are not even close to getting it.
If you wondered whether you got it, you didn't
If you think getting it is anything besides a process of awakening, you didn't get it.
Getting it occurs when it gets you
If you thought you didn't get it yet, maybe that proves there is something to get
If you are not curious enough yet about the real cause of your anxiety and suffering, you're not ready to get it
Everyone is here to get it, but the secret to getting it is hidden underneath all of the secrets that didn't get it.
Getting it is realizing that everything you see, hear and believe is your story, including the world itself.
Unless you constantly and thoroughly question and investigate your story about reality and about yourself, you will never get it.
If and until you realize you are 99% brainwashed, you won't get it
Nothing is as it seems, do you get it?
Can you get it if you didn't do some particular crime or wrong that you were accused of and are being punished for? And suppose you are punishing someone else for a wrong they did or didn't do, can you still get it?
If you think the past is a closed book and can't be changed, you didn't get it yet.
If you think you lost everything, you didn't get it yet
If you think disappointment is the final word, you didn't get it yet
If you think aging, suffering, sickness, taxes or death is the final word, you didn't get it yet
If you wonder whether the good guys or the bad guys will win in the end, you didn't get it yet
If you are waiting on Armageddon or the rapture, you didn't get it yet
If you are waiting on your good, you didn't get it yet
If you think the body is sick, you didn't get it yet
If you think you can change someone else, you didn't get it yet
If you think you can hurt someone else or that someone else can hurt you, you didn't get it yet.
If you think someone can control you, you didn't get it yet
If you think fear or its consequences are real, you don't get it yet
If you think it is not okay not to get it, then you don't get it
If you think I am being evasive or secretive about getting it, then you don't get it
If you are still studying and scheming about how to make your usual strategy work, you don't get it.
If you want to get it, you had better study why your strategy isn't working rather that studying why it should be working.
The reason your strategy isn't working is because it isn't the truth, do you get it?
When you notice that your strategy doesn't work over 50% of the time, and it doesn't, why don't you get it?
If you don't understand why Plato said "Know thyself" you didn't get it
If you think the Christ is irrelevant to getting it, you don't get it
If you avoid yourself because you think you know yourself, you aren’t getting it
If you are still ignoring the real cause of your anger, grief, depression, anxiety jealousy or boredom, you don't get it
If you think victimizing others is going to un-victimize you, you didn't get it
If you think rescuing others is going to un-victimize you, you don’t get it
If you still think anything can substitute for self-knowledge, you didn't get it
If you think ignorance of the facts is bliss, you didn't get it
I am never upset (mad, frustrated, bored, depressed, argumentative, impulsive, acting out, judgmental, manipulative, or defensive) for the reason I think. Do you get that?
If you think you are superior or inferior, then you didn't get it.
If you think building up your self-esteem will get it, you don't get it
If you don't ask for much, you don't get much, get it?
If you think that there is anything else as important in life as getting it, you don't get it.
You don’t get it because you don’t think you have it, do you get it?
posted by Dr. Joe at 11:08 AM
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